Name that Hurricane!

Hurricane is upon us once again, and our eastern seaboard looks like it will be hammered this season by tropical storms and hurricanes. While I feel for those poor folks living in the path of these storms, it has to be humiliating to have your home blown away by something named Bertha or Gustav. In the spirit of this naming convention I have decided to choose my own equally outdated names for the next few storms, starting where Gustav left off.

Hurricane Humperdink
Tropical Storm Ignatius
Tropical Storm Jeeves
Hurricane Klaatu
Tropical Storm Leonidas
Hurricane Moe
Hurricane Nostradamus
Hurricane Opie

I don't think we'll see more than eight storms this season so I'll stop here. Should we be particularly unfortunate and end up pushing further into the alphabet, I'm sure Hurricane Zebediah will be remembered for quite some time.

Beware the Baby Hijacker

I received a very disturbing email when I arrived at work this morning. After reading it, I immediately notified the authorities and elevated our national alert status to Severe. If any of you have babies, please verify they have not been hijacked after reading the following email:


I'm not entirely sure what my fume could be or how they took a picture of it, but I am terrified. I also wonder how many people actually opened this virus laden hoax to see what the fume's picture looked like. Although ultimately an epic failure, this was some pretty hilarious spam.

John McCain: Original Fogey

The presidential race is heating up and we're getting bombarded with political ads day and night. John McCain has a slew of smear ads running right now, which in my opinion makes him look rather pathetic, but this recent ad really cracked me up.



Yeeaaaahh, ok. Not only will he save us from rising oil costs, drug dealers and taxes, but now he's also The Original Maverick™. Mr. McCain, 1986 is calling and it wants its cheesy nickname back. I had no plans on voting for McCain but after seeing these advertisements, which are obviously aimed at conservative Top Gun fanatics, my resolve to vote for Obama has increased tenfold. So thank you John McCain, you've proved to me that you are indeed the Original Tool™

Villains > Heroes

Season Three of Heroes is coming soon, and the theme this time around is Villains. I'm assuming that we see Sylar's return to badassness along with some other goofy good guy/bad guy scenarios built around our familiar cast. Hopefully they don't toss too many new characters into the mix like they did last season, we still know next to nothing about the new Season 2 newbies and it would be nice to see them developed a bit more.

The big "twist" to this next season appears to revolve around the good guys turning bad and vice versa. Alliances will change, loyalties will be tested, and mayhem will ensue. However, I'm going to spoil the entire season for you right now. I know the secret to who becomes a villain and who stays good. Ready? Ok, here it is: if the character has their hair slicked back, or dyed a different color, then they are a villain. There you have it, the earth shattering secrets of season three laid bare before your eyes. I'm really looking forward to seeing Evil Mohinder with slicked back hair go up against Evil Peter, with equally evil slicked back hair. Or imagine Evil Claire with sexy brunette locks battling Good Sylar, who strangely enough slicked his hair back for the opposite effect. I'm just curoius what they will do with the Haitian since he has no hair. I'm thinking an earring or an eye patch. Nothing says evil like an eye patch!

Ok, so you've probably figured out I'm not too optimistic for Heroes this next season. I want to like what they're doing, I really do, but it's starting to become apparent that Tim Kring has no f'ing clue how to handle these characters now and they're really reaching for something to unite the overall theme for the show. Kring has stated he's never read comic books but thinks he still understands how to create a show based on superheroes. I'm starting to lose faith in that statement, maybe he should pick up a copy of NewUniversal or Rising Stars if he wants to see how normal people with powers should be written.